Who would have guessed that an invasion of my dearest boundaries would end up directing me to new frontiers? Another astonishing turn in an already fantastical month.
Mike & Kerry showing up at Bounty would have shaken me, but to learn that they'd been here since Wednesday, that they went to Bounty hoping to see me there, rather than meeting me there by mutual design? That showed how completely unaware they are of the boundaries they've already trespassed, long before yesterday's transgression.
Yet what a remarkable lesson in family dynamics they handed to me, which matters far more than them acted in simply what's accordance with their usual way. They showed up, hoping to cross paths, where I would have met there, as previously arranged. It is Mim setting up my making an offer to do something, so she can fall back & say, "I never asked." It is Mom agreeing to talk to Mim about issues that affected all three of us, which she refused to discuss with me, yet coming home from a weekend in NJ having never broached it because "Mim never brought it up." It is Peter & Mom going to see Mark Carlson supposedly to talk about their current relationship - rather than how Peter felt about her in the past - only to divert the discussion to me, neither of them having to look at things they'd rather ignore. It is Kerry saying that Lockharts never bring up sensitive things when they are current issues, only to acknowledge that while that was what she said, in the case I was bringing up, she wished I'd stayed silent. Mike telling Mom that no one wants to hear her stories, that she should stop writing her Mindwalker1910 posts & keep them within the family even none of the senior family wanted to hear her. It is me asking Mike & Kerry if they'd arrange a regular day/time to call Mom every month, something she could look forward to, having Kerry brush the suggestions aside saying, "Mum can speak for herself," knowing full well that Mom had NEVER been able to speak for herself.
Where I am direct & need clarity, they are masters of obfuscation, of leaving to chance, of saying one thing & doing the opposite. Mike & Kerry have never seen me, so how could they see my boundaries?
I can't leave things to chance, have to dig down into my nature & actively, attentively brush away the nurture that surrounded me. Mike & Kerry gave that to me. I am not Mom. I can know that I am a bad mix with them, that they have said things that need addressing that they will never acknowledge.
I know that & embrace them in my heart as who they are.
And I keep my distance.
They violated my boundaries because they could not see them, but in doing so pointed me toward new frontiers.
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