Thursday, March 22, 2018

Tapping into my Inner Molly

A couple weeks back, a young friend, wife of a former 6th grade student & mother of a lass dear to my heart, posted on Facebook that she would spend her Spring Break (she's a science teacher at our local high school) doing what she loves over that week - clearing & cleaning out her house.

Something in that posting totally clicked with me, which would seem to make no sense if you saw my house.  And I dismissed it as what I'd like to be important to me, but isn't.

Except it turns out that it is.  And, yes - my house is fiercely messy, but in some heavily walled-off section of my heart is a woman who loves order, craves cleanliness & wants to have a warm welcoming home, if only to myself, John & the cats.

I like tidy houses.  Not to the point of being impersonal, but not cluttered, not featuring open spaces piled with stuff. 

Am not expecting miracles, but am willing to kick my own butt, working to get past habits that have my adrenalin dipping in the face of challenge rather than revving up.

The combination of Molly's posting & how I responded to the recent snow storm was eye opening.  I stocked up on junk food, slept in late & did virtually nothing.  And it felt like that was the right thing to do.  The storm triggered me into doing NOTHING.  That does not set well with me.  Am giving myself a year to tap into my Inner Molly & become a person for whom a snow storm triggers delightful images of cranking up great music & doing a deep dive dust  or fridge clean, a basement review & living room lean in.

Molly's post shook me awake to a lifetime of quiet discontent at how I keep house, a chronic low-grade depression that kept me feeling sloggy instead of zoomed. 

Never saw it coming.  And now that I've seen felt acknowledged, can't pretend I don't have an Inner Molly shrieking to be let OUT, to become Deev - whole & happy housekeeper!

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