Get over it, get on with it

A New York Times piece on St. Laurent's chief executive quotes her talking about her marriage -  she lives in Paris, while he's in Milan, but they talk almost every day, vacation together & soe weekends, but hardly ever appear together in public.  She explains, “We understand what each other wants.  I never have the feeling that we should do something different.”

Thanks, I needed that.  This was one of those days when the ways that John & I are not a cookie cutter married couple really got to me.  Not all knickers in a twist & spaced-out energies, just wondering if what makes us tick might actually be a time bomb.

Reading Francesca Bellettini's description of her own unconventional marriage was just right.  And did I really think that anything remotely conventional would ever work for me?  Get over it, get on with it.  

CLARITY QUESTIONS week of 02/18

My best memory of the week - sitting next to John at Richard's memorial celebration, with Bronzi on my lap.  So unexpected, so totally unforgettable - thank you, dear friend, for composing one last perfect memory of the four of us, together!

What I am most grateful for this week - see above

Accomplishments this week that make me smile - getting down to brass tacks in securing a venue space for A Creativity Jam for Age Justice (fingers crossed we get the hall at the Lord's New Church); not taking a "no, but ask me later" as a possible yes - accepted it as the friend's regretful no;  reconfirming that order IS my true nature, not a state to which I've evolved; deciding - after parking the car at Hamilton Sq train station - the Universe was telling me NOT to go NYC for the RAM mtg, then feeling 30 minutes later like all the energy was sucked out of me.

A challenge I faced this week - trying to decide whether or not to go to the LNC Spiritual Discussion on Monday afternoon;  I was still fragile after someone totally broke a cardinal rule of such group's & offered a "helpful" personal comment that wounded me. 

Strengths & supports I used to get me through this week - when a friend gave a loving no to using a space for the Creativity Jam, I went immediately to "if not this, something better" rather than hoping he'd change his mind, as he clearly suggested he might.  Having faith in myself & others doing what I/they genuinely think is right & best.  Putting more effort into my now than into thoughts of past or future.   

A lesson from the past week that I am taking into the next - be realistic about what I want to get done in any given day.  Better for my psyche's health to plan less & do more than to expect more & do less.

My gift to the world – my amazing family

This gift is being posted on my three blogs – this one, plus All Ages, All Stages ~ Rx for Caregivers.  It’s the first of many posts on the wonders of being the youngest in a family of often troubled but always wondrous souls.

The nudge for the share came – separately yet on parallel tracks – from Shad Helmstetter & Jen Sincero, from What Do You Say When You Talk To Yourself & You Are A Badass.  Both spotlight the power of  self-talk, the importance of  taking out endlessly looped negative messages that lessened & replacing them with constructive ones of ability, determination, accomplishment.

I chalk up my ability to see my parents & older sibs as amazing to a) my from-birth curiosity about what makes people tick; b) the power of the spoken word; c) the power of the written word; and d) an older sister who taught me from an early age to save essential documents  & resources.

While we know what others have done, can come up with theories on why they did it, what they might have thought or felt, most of the time it’s just a lot of guess work.  Luckily, my family were great letter writers, so I have a lovely trail of bread crumbs leading to a sense of their thinking & certainly how they felt.  Praise be!

There is no doubt that my birth family led to my work as a life expansionist.  It was not easy being their daughter, their sister, but the experience enriched energized empowered.  The word that keeps coming to mind is plasticity – my family interactions helped me understand how life constantly calls on us to modify & re-wire our connections with each other & even with ourself.

Thank you, Shad & Jen, for opening up to me this opportunity to share how family experiences taught me the importance of developing an inner reel of constructive self-talk, that important lessons can be learned from the most ghastly situations, that nuggets of golden wisdom can be mined from even the worst ick.

This intro post is on all my blogs, but future family shares will be posted on Rx for Caregivers.  It’s essential for them – whether caring for clients or family – to look for the lessons in challenging moments, to remember that at best we know just a sliver of what’s behind what others think feel do, to cut them – and ourselves – a break instead of stressing out.

It’s my belief that our families are meant to serve as our first lab experiment, our very own petri dish of living organisms & we’re meant to see how they/we interact AND LEARN FROM IT.  Whether our experiences are wretched or wonderful, they’re all instructive.  But only if we choose lessons over lessening.

Hey, if I could come to a positive, empowered place through a hard-won appreciation of my astonishing family then ANYONE can!

To the greater world & especially caregivers, and with thanks to Shad & Jen, I share one of my most treasured possessions & the source of some of my most important learning – – my family!

CLARITY QUESTIONS - week of 02/11/18

Best memory of the week - finding out that I'm a presenter at April's Positive Age Conference!  
Runner up - Saturday afternoon in Philadelphia with John, scooping up energies to use toward A Creative Jam for Age Justice, going to More Than Just Ice Cream to see a young friend's artwork, ending up the Reading Terminal Market's Dutch Eating Place for an early supper, pointing out the Marriott (across the street from the RTM) which we'll get to know thanks to it being the location of both April's Positive Aging Conference & November's National Center for Creative Aging Leadership Exchange & Conference.  
2nd Runner Up - Facebook pictures of Angie & John's wedding! 

What I'm most grateful for this week - someone (not John) saying something that he totally should never have said which led me to feeling sad & distressed which ended up in an aha comment from a wise friend which evolved into a key discovery about my relationship with John.

Accomplishments this week that make me smile - choosing to not make a stink that the submitted abstract for the Positive Aging Conference workshop doesn't reflect anything in my original;  experience & pragmatism triumphing over desire & ego! 

A challenge I faced this week: not making a stink that the submitted abstract for the Positive Aging Conference workshop doesn't reflect anything in my original.

Strengths that got me through the week:  My predisposition to look for the lesson, no matter what.  Strong on connecting, communicating - what ended up giving me fresh insights into myself, my husband, us.  Remembering to not negotiate with myself.  

I prefer "constructive" to "positive"

My O Best Beloved gave me a kitty calendar with quotes in very small print.  The pictures are cute, but the calendar left me felling pretty "meh..."  Until I really read the the quotes.  What a treasure!  And unexpectedly thought provoking.

Like the 02/12/18 quote - "Live life to the fullest, and focus on the positive."  (Matt Cameron)

I'd change "positive" to "constructive."

Chalk it up to having a mother who invariably looked at the positive, to the point of screening OUT anything that wasn't.  There is great power in negatives - they give life its depth, balance, richness. A car with all positive charge spark plugs is going nowhere.

It's my belief that people say "youth" when they mean "fit,"  "positive" when they mean "constructive."  

My mother did her best to live a smiley face life, tucking into the farthest reaches of her mind the heartbreaks that happened over her life.  It took letting herself see the negatives for her to get a grounded sense of her self.  She learned that she could see the tough, hard, heartbreaking things & not crumple.  Facing that having negatives in her life was NOT an aberration but a natural part of being alive was one of the most positive things that happened to her.  

"Live life to the fullest, and focus on the constructive"  - yep, a pretty good credo, if I rewrite it myself!

Variety IS the spice of life

On Tuesday, I will be breaking fast in beautiful, bosky Bucks County, at the Lumberville General Store on the banks of the Delaware, discussing writing with a friend.  At 3:00 a.m., will be in Manhattan for the monthly meeting of The Radical Age Movement.

Life is sweet.

"great & safe community"

It's long been a worry to me that Donald Trump has a cog loose - based on his use of the English language.  He struggles to be coherent & makes the most astonishingly incongruous statements.  Like describing Parkland, FL as a "great & safe community" on the day after a shooting that left 17 people dead, slain in a high school, and many more injured, some fighting for their lives.  

The problem I have with 45 & the use of language is that he doesn't seem to understand what even the most basic words - like "safe" - mean.  You don't?

Shredded core

Len Rose wrote the most amazing thing about John - that at his core, my Keet is all about marriage.  Wow...  Could feel the rightness of that observation, especially powerful from such a deeply aware spiritual leader.  What a remarkable companion for my core, which is relationships.  It came up because my beloved hasn't a clue what is meant by core, so can't tap in & figure out for himself the quality of his.  I'd sensed it was love & kindness - Len is more spot on with marriage.  

John, at his core, is marriage, is love & kindness. Except on those moments when he has no concept of marriage anywhere in his being, when love & kindness have vanished. Those moments when some deep, unknown therefore unrecognizable part of his being feels threatened & John goes into emotional lock-down, like the USS Enterprise (Kirk era), with impenetrable force fields up.  I can do all the things he's said he wants me to do - point out "It's one of those times," attempt to lead him back to the moments before gremlins in his brain erased his memory base & rewrote events.  Doesn't get through.

I've gotten to the place where I get irked & agitated rather than freaked out, interested by what's happening instead of emotionally gutted, launching into bad language instead of wanting to get into the car & drive into a tree going 45 miles an hour.  And I get why I felt that way for so many years - it's because Len is right.  John, at his core, is all about marriage.  Always has been.  Except when he's not, when it has no residence in his being, when I have no residence in his heart.  

Can totally understand why someone with relationship at her core would come unhinged - his shredded core shreds mine & when the emotionally threatening moment has passed, his force fields are down, and he wants to know when WE are going to head into Philadelphia to research gallery space for the 05/15 A Creative Jam for Age Justice event, marriage restored to his core, not the slightest awareness that mine is still in tatters.  Interesting...

Midge Maisel & the Creativity Jam for Age Justice

Could not decide whether to publish this under Rx for Caregivers or All Ages All Stages or here so am including it on all three!

If Midge Maisel was an actual person instead of a fiction character on an Amazon Prime show, she’d be 86 & still killin’ it.  And just the sort of talent I’m hoping to include in the 05/15/18 Creativity Jam for Age Justice, the Philly event in support of the same day, same time Radical Age Movement rally in Central Park.

The Jam will have multi-layers & be multi-purpose, featuring pieces by 65+ (55+?) artists, musicians, singers, dancers – – and hopefully stand-up.  The focus goes beyond artists of a certain age to include dream catchers – creatives who have longed to have their work seen by others & are just now being given the opportunity, not in spite of their age but because of it.  The Jam will feature artists who’ve shown or performed before ~ so, yes – Midge could have made the cut -  but 1st timers will get special consideration by the (tba) selection committee.  

When I posted thoughts about this event on Facebook, the very first comment was, “Great idea. Sounds like a lot of work and money to get it going.”   Reminded me of the acquaintance who, on hearing about the Rx for Caregivers page-a-day calendar, said  “How will you fund it?  How will you monetarize it?” in a tone of inspiration-killing skepticism instead of the gee-whiz “Tell me more” response that  respects baby ideas, encourages them to take a next step, to grow.  Disappointments might come…  but, then again, they might just as easily take wings & fly into the stratosphere, leaving only fabulous, fully realized wonderful.

I’ve had four art shows over the past twelve years, two solo, two creativity jams with John  – one in Bryn Athyn, one in Princeton, two in Huntingdon Valley.  The HV photography show was such a smash, they held it over for the entire summer.  The only cost I had for any of them was for the opening reception’s delectable spread.

It will be a lot of work, but a lot less than the efforts of my Radical Age Movement colleagues up in NYC putting together the Central Park rally for Age Justice.  I won’t have the big names featured up yonder, but will have a power beyond what happens in Manhattan  – – fulfilling the heart’s desire of creatives who’ve dreamed of having their work seen by others.  Pretty cool.

Imagining some 73-year old finally getting the chance to kill it as a stand-up, getting his first taste of an audience’s laughter, their applause.  When it happens – whichever creatives jam with us – will see Midge looking on, hearing her say, “Yeah, he loves it.”

Yes, it will be a lot of work – but the joy hallmarking the Creativity Jam for Age Justice will be worth every moment!

CLARITY QUESTIONS - Week of 02/04/18

My best memory of the week - John totally nailing my Christmas presents!  Long story about why they're being unwrapped in Feb.  

What I'm most grateful for this week -  Jen Sincerp

Accomplishments this week that make me smile - finishing You Are A Badass At Making Money.  Getting down to the grain with The Retreat.  Starting meditation.  Coming up with the idea to have a creativity jam as the Age Justice event in Philly.  Realizing that someone could write a great personal growth book using the opening season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.  


A challenge I faced this week - getting past being bummed by the grey wet raw weather.  Even when it was mild, like today, it was raw!  

Strengths & supports I used to get me through the week - creativity, understanding what Jen means by "don't negotiate," being willing to change.

A lesson from the past week that I am taking into the current one - don't let worry about resources deter me from planning for great things.  Get the pages rolling on the calendar - don't fret about how it's going to happen.  Set in motion the Age Justice Creativity Jam & let the momentum carry it forward.  Provide the creativity, the structure, the details & snacks, then let the Universe partner up & move it forward!

The Catch-22 of "hang out with high vibe people"

In You Are A Badass At Making Money, Jen Sincero writes that if you're serious about making mucho moola, ya gotta swap out the low energy people in your life for high energy ones.  For me, the catch to that was that I was the low energy sort that dynamic, leaning-into-success types supposedly shun.

Strikes me that Jen's advice is a bit off base.  It's not that we need to replace low energies with high, but that when we rip up our own low mumble to a high zoom, similar types gravitate toward us - WE become a magnet for those frequencies.  It's never about exclusion, it's always about connection.

FACT:  I chalked up 60+ years of disappointing people.  My frequency waves were completely off base with each other.  People would respond all merry & bright on a first meeting, but fall by the wayside when they found a lumpen mass of barely vibrating frequencies.  Drove them nuts, feeling vibes that were nowhere to be seen.

My frequency field was schizophrenic, at wildly different levels.  What Jen shares as key ways that high-frequency people help us get rich, she's sharing the traits I drew out of myself to balance them, to help them come into alignment with each other, to go from low hum to high vibe.  Looking back, can see these are the things I did to transform my energy field from lumpen mass to ZOOM, the traits I consciously nurture to release revive reform my natural joy in accomplishment:

High energy - creating an arena for WOW to happen, attracting other high frequency vibes.

Faith in myself - being wealth-positive is ESSENTIAL to success.  The alternate, being wealth-adverse, which halted me for decades from pushing forward.  Being wealth-positive is being ME-positive, because inspired ideas & dedicated savvy action leads to success & a natural mega up-tick in financial returns.  

Upping my own game - focusing on the positives, the possibles, the predestined to be brilliant.  DOING it, making it happen.  Real stuff, real time.  Building on successes, celebrating advances.  Going toe to toe with standards set by others, by repeatedly beating my own personal best.

Making myself mightier - believing in my own awesomeness, connecting with available resources, ideas, know-how, enthusiasm, determination, perseverance, persistence, innovation, ability, intelligence, creativity, emotional generosity, out-of-the-box BIG thinking paired with step-by-step ACTION. Mounting up with wings, like eagles - - but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;  they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary;  they shall walk and not faint.

Celebration City - celebrate the little moments, the big, the key steps & even the heart-catching stumbles, the aha connections & the BRAVO end product.  Celebrate all of it as a way to generate & rev energies, to boost vibration fields, to connect across the spectrum, low middling high.  All of them.

My Catch-22 turned out to be greatest creative aha - it's NOT about winnowing out the lows & courting the highs.  It was about getting my act together, connecting with all of my energies, staying open to & encouraging others to do the same.  It's about connecting to my convictions, to getting clarity about what really matters - - and, just as important, about what doesn't.  To STOP doing the things that don't matter or, worse, act against me, & FOCUS on what moves me forward to desired, sought for goals & accomplishments.  It's creating a LIFE around a quote from ...Badass...Money:

"Changing your focus to the POSITIVES of what I have & what I deserve changes my attitude & RAISES my frequency so that I can align my energies with, and open up to, EVERYTHING that I need to change my life."

It's NOT about ditching low-energy friends & associates, focusing on high-vibe people.  It's about BEING the high-frequency, attracting similar vibes, serving as a human magnet for my true tribe.  It's about connection, clarity, conviction; about constancy & consistency.  

For years, I struggled to put together mastermind groups - flubbed.  I tried to connect with high-energy people, but they were as poor a fit for me as I was for them.  When the student is ready, the teacher will come.  Getting my energies in sync, connecting with my inner core, growing into the Who who's really me, opened the way for my awesome tribe to see & embrace me ~and~ for me to have a longed-for sense of homecoming.  To swapping out the old Catch-22 for the joy of upping others' energy fields as they - all of them - zoom mine.

Joel Maisel says a mouthful

Again, already, with the "if I had any interest in being a life coach..." 

I could never be a life coach - would drive me nuts for someone to fork over a lot of money only to brush off suggestions on gaining better balance, on seeing more clearer, on striving for greater sanity.  Praise be this blog gives me a place to share the life lessons that wake me up at 4:44 a.m.

Lessons like the character of Joel Maisel, in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. 

>> spoiler alert - this posting reveals plot details of the Amazon Prime show <<

A review in the NY Times nails Joel's character - - "Joel, meanwhile, emerges as more weak and lost than despicable; he’s a heel, but an Achilles one."

Woke up to the thought that Joel Maisel says a mouthful when he ruefully lovingly helplessly observes to Midge that she is "a lot," acknowledging that she was everything he'd ever dreamed of - - with the unspoken but out there, "be careful what you wish for."  

I started to say Joel is a bit of a schlub because the word sounds right, but the young man - mid-twenties - is anything but "unattractive, boorish" (untalented is apt).  Joel is a person in over his head His parents expect his to be this, his in-laws expect him to be that, he has his own image of his ideal self stuck in his head & it is a far cry from reality.  He wants to be superman - a successful businessman during the day, a killin' em comic at night - but he's just an ordinary guy, married to a woman whose world totally revolves around him, who commits the cardinal crime for a man like Joel.  She is disappointed in him. 

Not in his role as husband & provider - it would appear that he is super successful in those departments.  No, she is disappointed by him in his most vulnerable role - as an aspiring stand-up comic.  She is disappointed to learn that the act that has delighted her with its creative brilliance is actually Bob Newhart's, that Abe Lincoln sprang from a buttoned-down mind that wasn't her husband's.  

Midge is shocked, but not really surprised. And, yes - she is quietly disappointed.  To her horror, it is not the fly in the ointment of their relationship but the last straw to something that's been eating at Joel, that he expresses so perfectly in the last episode with his "a lot" comment - if she is a lot, that makes him less.  At least in his eyes.  

He doesn't have an affair with the dim-bulb Penny Pann because he disappointed his wife with his swiped comedy act.  Penny makes him feel more.  It didn't matter that Midge's life revolved around his sun, that she thought he was funny & interesting & a great dad.  He needed her to be less, which Midge could never do.  

With the exception of wooing & winning Midge, Joel's great talent is being his own worst enemy.  They weirdly remind me of Charles & Diana, with Midge's disappointment & heartbreak firmly rooted in Diana's sad observation, "we could have been a great team."  It was her misfortune that she, like Midge, made her husband feel less just by being who she was.  Diana gave every indication that she would have happily been the royal equivalent of barefoot & pregnant, but that was not to be.  She didn't have Midge's salvation - when Midge's role was stripped from her, she discovered another one.  How delicious that out of Joel's crappy treatment, a new Mrs. Maisel is born.

Joel said a mouthful with his "a lot" comment, illustrated a dilemma that a lot of wives have, today in 2018 as well as back in 1958.  Being a lot without making their husbands feel less.  And never ever feeling disappointed in him, by him, because that is the kiss of death for many once happy couples.  Even if they don't end up in the arms of someone who soothes their wounded ego & bolsters their manhood, that sense of letting down the person you love can eat away like the emotional acid it is.  

Even after the stinking lousy humiliating way Joel treated her (really?  he left the day before the rabbi was expected to dinner?), Midge still dreamed of reunion, of returning to an Upper West Side version of the Elysian Fields with god-like Joel at its center.  But she still would have been a lot; he would be forever yoked under less.  

Joel didn't have a choice not to fall in love with Miriam Weissman - she stole his heart the moment he laid eyes on her.  The very things he adored were the very things that made him feel inadequate.  This isn't just good writing - it is the way of the male world. That's not a broad-stroke generalization, but a lesson learned from seeing relationships scuttled on the rocks of masculine less.  

I've tried to imagine what Midge could have done to make the relationship work & realize that she couldn't unless she did the unthinkable - dim her own light.  I find myself thinking about my own relationship - not with John, but with my sister.  If my light had blazed as it was meant to shine, Mim would have felt less.  So she made sure - intentionally or un - that it didn't.  Like Diana, like Midge, am forever wistful over what never was - we would have made a terrific team.

That's the salvation in my own marriage - we are a team.  Joel wanted to be on stage, alone, doing his pitifully plagarized shtick, basking in the glow of a brilliance that wasn't his.  The bottom line was that he didn't respect Midge, never really saw her as his team mate.  He talked like he appreciated her as a partner, but deep down only needed a cheerleader.  He didn't respect MIDGE, blew off suggestions she had for his act - that he write his own material, more fully engage the audience - because he didn't respect himself.  Ditto my sister - Mim denigrated me because she denigrated herself.  

Chalk it up to the early hour, but my mind wanders to unexpected places, like Charles & Diana & Mim.  And John.  In thinking about the seemingly perfect but not pairing of Midge Weissman & Joel Maisel, am wondering how John & I stack up.  Unlike their characters, we were ancient - 37 & 43.  And neither of us thought of our self as anything remotely special.  But the other saw the inner blazing light in the beloved.  It's not as simple as we are at our best together, but that together we bring each other OUT.  I see my best self reflected in his face & it gives me faith in it, too.  Ditto for John.  Watching Joel NOT experience that with Midge brings home that some tiny kernel of faith in our self has to already exist for the magic to happen

Joel said a mouthful with "a lot."  I think of Midge, in the crumble of her marriage, still measuring her ankles & calves, as she'd done since her mid-teens, saying, "I still got it."  We cannot make someone feel more by being less.  The worst thing she could imagine had happened, yet Midge remained grounded while Joel was just as adrift, rudderless as ever.

It's after 6:00 a.m. & am crawling back into bed with hopes of falling asleep, no thoughts of Joel Maisel's sense of lack, not even a read-through & grammar/spell check of this post.  Just up the wooden hill, back to beddy bye, with hopes of sweet dreams & soft snores.

My big hairy

My big hairy scared-to-go-there thing to do beginning this month & continuing to FOREVER is to meditate. 

Daily. 

No time limit, just DO IT. 

Because I've known FOREVER that establishing a regular meditation practice will open up space within me for unimaginably AWESOME things to pour in & expand enlighten inflame my creativity desire action. 

Whoda thunk it?

As discussed in a Rx for Caregivers' posting,  "The best is yet to be," surprised myself this morning by telling a friend to stick with me, that the initiatives I'm working on will open up just-right employment opportunities for retirees such as she.  The words came out of my mouth because my brain already sees them as done deals.  Amazing. 

And a mega butt kick to make it so!  

Thinking about transforming something born in my imagination into a tangible THING turns my thoughts to my sister.  Mim - eight years my senior - held that what is manifested is never as awesome as what we can envision.  That is so NOT my experience.  My wedding turned out the way I'd imagined - only better.  Ditto my marriage!  True also for the Brand Voice news bulletin, which nobly & notably fulfilled its use -AND- turned out to be the first online regional employee newsletter in ALL of Prudential business groups.  True also for The Cupcake Lady, for The Retreat, for my various blogs, my coaching sessions with Jane Kerschner - all turned out considerably better than I dreamed.

So why expect anything less than WOW for the Rx for Caregivers' page-a-day calendar?  for The Whole Elder Catalogue?  For Cyber Access for the Technically Timid ~or~ En Famille Friends?  

Whoda thunk it?  Actually, anyone who knows my track record!

MONEY, WEALTH, RICHES - the words that shall not be spoken

Somewhere along my 66 years, I picked up the message that money was icky, dirty, defiling.  This has come rushing to the fore as I work my way through Jen Sincero's You Are A Badass At Making Money.  Every time I think, "Well, that's my last great dunder-headed idea about money," another jumps out to shake me up.

It's wondrously uplifting to copy out statements like page 154's "The Universe wants you to grown & bloom into the most glorious version of yourself.  Growth happens through friction & challenge, & the lesson we learn through those experiences."  Ah, yes - my psyche purrs writing out such wondrous words. 

However, my breath gets shorter, faster as I write, "Money appreciates for the appreciative" (p 157) & I went into full crisis mode copying out "Get clear on the amount of money I'm going to make, the specifics of what the money is for, and how freakin' awesome it feels to make it."  (p. 172-73)  Seriously?  Isn't that...  sacrilegious?

And it drags me in deeper -

• Decide, with unshakable commitment, that I am making this money.
• Get a plan together to make the money I desire (gonna burn in hell!) to make, chunk the plan back into bite-sized pieces, and focus my ass off on one goal at a time.
• Hold an image in my mind of the live I'm creating & all the money that's flowing toward me with excitement (the money is excited? me? both?), hardcore faith & deep gratitude.
• Do my BEST, wherever I'm at, whatever I'm doing & always do everything - everything - with an attitude of gratitude.  
• When the Universe presents a How that leads in the direction of my goal to make more money (breathing is immediately labored), leap into its lovin' arms immediately.  Especially if it's scary.  Go for it.  Let fear be your compass. 

Just writing out those points were scary, am light headed due as much to the shortness of my breath as to the growing edginess I feel experiencing my strong NEGATIVE reaction to the very thought of money.  

It's hard to describe - - thinking about money makes me feel defenseless because the very word brings all my defensive shields up, full force.  

Here's the twist - since succeeding in any field typically leads to the making of good money, holding negative thoughts of big bucks becomes a strong disincentive for accomplishing important goals, a pull against creating outcomes positively affecting countless people.  

I've written about this before, but the deeper I get into Jen's book, the more it keeps coming up & the more shocked I continue to be at how my sense of money being bad remains ingrained encoded entrenched in my psyche.  Still.  At page 178.  

Will I have worked through it by the final paragraph on page 267?  Stay tuned!

Dodging the banana peel

In You're A Badass About Making Money, Jen Sincero notes - -  "One of the biggest banana peels on the road to success is fragmenting your time & focus.  If you're all over the place, you're half-assing a bunch of different things instead of kicking ass at one thing."

Or as I often quote the brilliant artist, asked at the 2001 National Polymer Clay Guild Conference HOW his team came up with their wondrous designs - - "It's not a question of coming up with ideas, but to figure out which few among the many to develop."

My own projects have been winnowed down to two - putting together the Rx for the Caregiver page-a-day calendar & organizing a 05/15/18 Age Justice event in Philadelphia, a sister rally to the one the national Radical Age Movement is throwing in Central Park.  Get those two won & done, then tackle the others.

Sidestep the banana!

Clarity Questions - Week of 01/28/18

My best memory of the week - this is tough!  A lot of wow memories.  Has to be hearing Anders Gyllenhaal's speak on the state of the 1st amendment in our digital age, part of Bryn Athyn College's Distinquished Speakers series.  A terrific presentation from an accomplished communicator & all-around great guy, plus an impromptu reunion of the Class of '70.

What I'm most grateful for this week -  a generous Universe that continues to set awesome people in my paths.  

Accomplishments this week that make me smile - getting HCIC thank you notes up to date, introducing three new masks at Upper Moreland's fundraiser, picking up Florence then John then getting to Patricia's for the monthly creatives circle then dropping off Florence then getting the last two items for the fundraiser craft activity then getting there at 5:15 p.m. while staying relaxed & having a great time through it all, enjoying hearing Neal & Christa at The Zen Den then hoofing up the hill to Puck to hear John Austin, photocopying the wonderful template John designed for the Rx for Caregivers page-a-day calendar, 

A challenge I faced this week - getting connected to my first monthly meeting of the Radical Age Movement.  

Strengths & supports I used to get me through the week - processing stuff as information instead of taking it personally, flipping negative things to constructive, persistence curiosity interest, LOVE, tackling the unfamiliar & uncomfortable, consistency & constancy, trusting in the Divine.

A lesson from the past week that I am taking into the current one - to speak up without fear.  At the end of the Radical Age Meeting, the moderator asked me for input, instead of thinking of all I don't know about issues around aging, I focused on what I did & offered some good comments & suggestions - and took on doing a 05/15/18 Age Justice event in Philadelphia instead of going up to the NYC Central Park event that's attracting some mega big wigs.  As part of the Q&A after Anders' talk, I mentioned something that another "expert" told me afterward he believed was wrong; turned out - to his surprise - that we were both right.  Reinforced that what I know has value, be comfortable using my voice, stay open to double checking & always listen to others.

Systems - bring 'em on!

I have flipped over James Clear, who dovetails with Mel Robbins in messaging that the key to successful doing in NOT being motivated - it is found in SYSTEMS, putting together the individual parts that form a whole.

As James explains:

• If you're a coach, your goal is to win a championship. Your system is what your team does at practice each day.
• If you're a writer, your goal is to write a book. Your system is the writing schedule that you follow each week.
• If you're a runner, your goal is to run a marathon. Your system is your training schedule for the month.
• If you're an entrepreneur, your goal is to build a million dollar business. Your system is your sales and marketing process.

Gobs of people seek to accomplish something meaningful & are blessed with the wherewithal to do it, are passionate about their goal & determined to reach it, yet fall short - or never full start - because they lack the system needed to make it so.

Systems - the next best step by next best step action plan, the nuts & bolts of getting from Point A to Point Z.

For years, I sought ways to fortify my woeful personal infrastructure. Andy Adams' recommendation that I read The Greatest Salesman In The World (read it as instructed, which took a year) strengthened my infrastructure. James Clear & Mel Robbins put that infrastructure to USE through systems.

Clarity, precision, action - the basics of effective systems; effective, well utilized systems - the basics of an effective, accomplished life.

Bring it on!

When the student is ready...

How long ago did I first hear, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears"?  Probably my middish twenties, possibly while having a cup of tea or a Kir Royale across the driveway, at Dorothy & Susie's apartment.

Teachers have been showing up, fast & fabulous, over the past 5+ years.  With stunning speed & effectiveness over the past 6+ months! 

This past week was a total jaw dropper, beginning with sharing a cuppa at the Lumberville General Store with a new friend.  Tom does for my brain what John did for my heart - brings it into focus, whittles away non-essentials, makes it bigger better bolder than I imagined.  And he connected me with James Clear, who blows away the fog that's cloaked my brain & imparted a clarity that feels like both a fresh discovery & a welcome homecoming! 

This student is SO very ready, so Universe - keep those teachers coming.

Midge Maisel reflects life

My thanks to Merry Farmer for hooking me on The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, a very short season (8 episodes) show on Amazon Prime.  Woe is me - the new episodes don't begin shooting until next month! 

Although the show is heavily laced with language that would make a sailor blush, the story lines are beautifully played out, with exceptional writing costuming filming matched toe-to-toe with performances.

Here's what hits home with Midge Maisel - - if she had been granted her greatest wish, she would have lived her life as a happy Jewish wife esconced in a lovely apartment with her husband & two kids.  It didn't work out that way, thanks to her husband being a hapless putz who had the ideal wife - she got him better spots at the Gaslight by bribing the manager with her to-die-for brisket.  She was, in every way, a great match for Joel Maisel - which was all too much for him.  Especially after she discovered that his brilliantly funny bit about Abe Lincoln was actually Bob Newhart's material.  Although she didn't make a big deal about Joel's comedy larceny - he refused to create original material - he knew it was a disappointment. 

He deals with it by blowing up his marriage.  As he expresses in the last episode of this first season, he couldn't handle that she was "too."  In every way, she was too right for him.  So, he leaves her for his even-younger-than 26-year old Midge. 

She responds by getting drunk & heading down to the Village to get back her Pyrex baking dish ("a glass baking dish, very durable") that had conveyed the briskets that nabbed Joel his better slots.  Her world is set on its ear when she wanders up on the stage - the audience assumes she is a comic.  And she, unintentionally, delivers a vitriolic, profanity-laced, BRILLIANTLY funny diatribe.  When she flashes her breasts, the cops move in & arrest her.  And that arrest is what connects her to Susie Myerson & even to Lenny Bruce.  Oh, and when Midge discovers that she is made of stronger stuff than she'd ever imagined. 

THAT, dear friends, is life as it actually plays out.  NOT as we're taught to expect it to be, but as it really works for all but the possibly not-so-blessed few.  What defines our lives, how the turn out, is typically the stuff that tosses us off the tracks, that derails our expectations, that flings away our expectations & leave us with our own version of Joel leaving Midge - with her Bryn Mawr degree & not real world experience - to find her real way.

Along the way, through those all-too-short eight episodes, she falls & rises, falls & rises, does something utterly brilliant yet professionally suicidal & comes out of it better than she would have been had she played by the book. 

I don't know why Merry loves Midge Maisel, but it's clear why I do - - Midge Maisel, a fiction Jewish housewife of the Upper West Side in 1958 NYC, is my soul sister, a reflection of my own roller coaster life that's turned out to be nothing like I planned & so totally, unpredictably SPECTACULAR.