MONEY, WEALTH, RICHES - the words that shall not be spoken

Somewhere along my 66 years, I picked up the message that money was icky, dirty, defiling.  This has come rushing to the fore as I work my way through Jen Sincero's You Are A Badass At Making Money.  Every time I think, "Well, that's my last great dunder-headed idea about money," another jumps out to shake me up.

It's wondrously uplifting to copy out statements like page 154's "The Universe wants you to grown & bloom into the most glorious version of yourself.  Growth happens through friction & challenge, & the lesson we learn through those experiences."  Ah, yes - my psyche purrs writing out such wondrous words. 

However, my breath gets shorter, faster as I write, "Money appreciates for the appreciative" (p 157) & I went into full crisis mode copying out "Get clear on the amount of money I'm going to make, the specifics of what the money is for, and how freakin' awesome it feels to make it."  (p. 172-73)  Seriously?  Isn't that...  sacrilegious?

And it drags me in deeper -

• Decide, with unshakable commitment, that I am making this money.
• Get a plan together to make the money I desire (gonna burn in hell!) to make, chunk the plan back into bite-sized pieces, and focus my ass off on one goal at a time.
• Hold an image in my mind of the live I'm creating & all the money that's flowing toward me with excitement (the money is excited? me? both?), hardcore faith & deep gratitude.
• Do my BEST, wherever I'm at, whatever I'm doing & always do everything - everything - with an attitude of gratitude.  
• When the Universe presents a How that leads in the direction of my goal to make more money (breathing is immediately labored), leap into its lovin' arms immediately.  Especially if it's scary.  Go for it.  Let fear be your compass. 

Just writing out those points were scary, am light headed due as much to the shortness of my breath as to the growing edginess I feel experiencing my strong NEGATIVE reaction to the very thought of money.  

It's hard to describe - - thinking about money makes me feel defenseless because the very word brings all my defensive shields up, full force.  

Here's the twist - since succeeding in any field typically leads to the making of good money, holding negative thoughts of big bucks becomes a strong disincentive for accomplishing important goals, a pull against creating outcomes positively affecting countless people.  

I've written about this before, but the deeper I get into Jen's book, the more it keeps coming up & the more shocked I continue to be at how my sense of money being bad remains ingrained encoded entrenched in my psyche.  Still.  At page 178.  

Will I have worked through it by the final paragraph on page 267?  Stay tuned!