That Your Days May Be Long is all about what matters above all - relationship.
Relationship with the Divine, by whatever Name you ascribe, begins & ends in relationship with others, with our self. And that begins with respect, with honoring, outside of love affection friendship. Respecting people as they are, not as we want them to be or suspect they might. Seeing what presents itself in front of us, always knowing it is never the whole, often not even a teensy fraction. Always knowing we can be thrilled or horrified by actions, but can never judge the intentions behind them.
The relationships I "know" best are within my family, so my book will be a long look at them, relationships that transcend the individuals to take in an unintelligible quality that I might - might - learn of in some future afterlife, for it is beyond our understanding. .
Being whole within our self, with others, with the Divine starts with the ground on which we stand, with the home in which we were raised, wherever it might be.
Ever since teaching high school biology & health, I've said that family is our very own petri dish, our first laboratory for understanding the reality around & within us. But it is so much more than I imagined. When we can honor & respect our parents as human, full of strength & frailty, with their own unknown stories, we can do the same to our siblings, to others around us, as close as next door or as distant as world capitals. Even with our self.
It is beyond my ken that what freed my heart to writing what has beckoned was a crucial family moment that, instead of spelling disaster, cracked open my universe. It took family, respecting it where it is, as it is, to butt kick me into action.
And so, it begins. With love, respect & honoring.
.
Monday, September 25, 2017
Checking the safety
WARNING: This is going out without being proof read or even spell-checked. \
Been writing since 7:00 a.m. & am ready for breakfast!
For 28+ years, I've claimed that God realized an error had been made when John & I first set eyes on each other on 11/11/88. It was too soon for us to connect - there was something that I had to do before I could be whole enough to fall in love with my Keet. So, we were pulled way back from each other & didn't tag up again until Feb 3, 1989.
For as far back as I can recall - for certain sure as far back as 4th Grade - it always bothered me that consequences never followed actions in our family, at least not with Mom. (I can recall two occasions with Dad where my actions elicited very definite & reasonable consequences.) No matter what one of the kids did or didn't do, it was never followed by a corresponding consequences.
In December 1988, I was aware of having met someone who seemed special, but I didn't know his name or anything about him except he rode to hounds, so I thought he hung around with the horse & hound set, veddy posh. (Strangely enough, HE that that I was from Bryn Mawr & had much the same, "not my crowd" response.) Little did either of us KNOW.
In early December '88, a startling opportunity came up to attach a natural consequence to someone's action. A well-meant action revealed a unknown, unexpected issue. I had the choice of recognizing it & acting OR ignoring it & letting things glide as they were. I chose to deal with it openly, welcoming input. There was a natural consequence that was reasonable, balanced & honored everyone's stated reality. Although not welcome by the other person, for whom it caused some unexpected inconvenience, it turned out to be a major life event for me - for the first in forever, I'd stood on my own two feet, recognized something she held to be true had unintended consequences & stuck to my guns. Two months later, when John & I once again crossed paths, I was ready.
Two days ago, my brother totally rattled me by showing up at Bryn Athyn Bounty Farm Market - John & I had no idea they were even in BA.
Although Mike & Kerry might have thought I'd be over-the-moon with joy at bumping into them at Bounty on Saturday, three days after they arrived in BA, the opposite was true. Thank heavens, I had a moment to observe, before Mike turned around & I saw who it was, "That looks like the back of Mike's head."
Mike seemed happy to have surprised us but didn't have any special response to ME - could have been Pete Boericke or Ned Rogers, both friends & classmates.
Although Mike & Kerry might have thought I'd be over-the-moon with joy at bumping into them at Bounty on Saturday, three days after they arrived in BA, the opposite was true. Thank heavens, I had a moment to observe, before Mike turned around & I saw who it was, "That looks like the back of Mike's head."
Mike seemed happy to have surprised us but didn't have any special response to ME - could have been Pete Boericke or Ned Rogers, both friends & classmates.
It was the first time we've seen each other in five years, the first time since Mim died & there was NO physical contact between either of us. No hug, no kiss.
That's just weird.
That's just weird.
I guess my distress showed, since Erik Sandstrom assured us, "You were on their radar, tagged for a visit,"- - he totally did not get the point that they had kept themselves totally off ours.
Hul-lo ~ they'd been in town since Wednesday, showed up at Bounty expecting to see us, leaving connecting to chance?
What would they have done if we hadn't? Called up & said, "Hi! Can we get together on Monday for breakfast before we head home later in the week?"
Maybe they thought that would be a super cool surprise - it would not have been.
Hul-lo ~ they'd been in town since Wednesday, showed up at Bounty expecting to see us, leaving connecting to chance?
What would they have done if we hadn't? Called up & said, "Hi! Can we get together on Monday for breakfast before we head home later in the week?"
Maybe they thought that would be a super cool surprise - it would not have been.
Kerry is my least safe person on the planet, with Mike a distant second. To have them pop up in one of my special places, with people around waiting for the big moment when we first spotted them - did not go well.
How could I not say yes to the invitation to breakfast today, with people looking on. Did Mike notice that I was hyperventilating, was quaking? Vented to a vendor friend & beat a swift retreat, before even getting the veggies we'd come for; John whisk me down to Be Well for a big bear hug from a loving faux nephew.
I absolutely get that Mike & Kerry could have thought it would be a swell moment of all of us. Am sure they meant well, but it went hideously wrong.
Realized within the hour there was no way I'd do breakfast with them today, sent the following to Kerry, left a vm at Sandstrom's for her to check FB:
John & I thank you & Mike for the invitation to breakfast tomorrow, Monday Sept 25. On further reflection, we are declining. I have learned to avoid situations where either I don't feel emotionally safe or suspect that I might make another person feel unsafe. I admire you greatly but I am not at ease with you. We wish you both well & hope that you do the same with us, but past history shows that you & I do not do well together. Have a wonderful remainder of your stay & save journey home.
Seems Kerry never read that. Instead, Mike called to say they'd meet us at Daddypop's instead of picking us up. That gave me the opportunity to personally decline, citing the lack of safety all around - and noting how weird it felt that they were in town three days before we saw them.
It is no secret that I am not their cup of tea. Small wonder. Our communication styles are radically different. Now that we are in our 60s & 70s, we should be able to respect the relationship we have, rather than an airy fairy one based on being sibs. Mike & I share the same genes, that's it.
As I told Mike on the phone & wrote to Kerry, we wish them well, but do not do well with them. Think Altoids & Coca Cola.
Kerry had safety issues with going way back. As she mentioned to Mom in 1973:
"There are few people in Bryn Athyn we didn't enjoy. Mr. -------'s ears should be the only ones ringing as I type this. Honesty makes me add Elsa (me-Deev) also, as she has been so rude to me at times I could hardly bear being in the same room with her. By the way, Mum & Dad, I leave it entirely up to you to mention what I just said to Elsa or not. I must admit I never said anything to her personally. At times, I thought perhaps it was a disservice that we ever did, but I hoped she would grow up in time. She can't hurt me here."
~ Strange but true - when I'd ask Mom over the years, as I did right up to the end, "WHY do my sibs dislike me so much?" Mom ALWAYS tsk-tsked me with, "Don't be silly - they love you." She KNEW. All Mom had to say was, "Darned if I know," rather than putting me in the wrong when she she knew first-hand my reading was spot-on correct! ~
Twenty-six years later, Mom sent a note to all of us, including Kerry & John. As part of her personal work getting a better bead on WHO she was rather than reflecting back what we wanted from her, she shared that she was working to improve her trust issues with us:
Dear Peter, Mike & Kerry, Mim, Elsa & John -
I realize that I have always agreed with each of my children because I have been afraid not to agree with them, you.
With the exception of Mike & John, I haven't felt safe talking to any of you.
I am so glad that I am working on not feeling that way. It is a beginning.
William James said, "A human being can change his life by changing his attitude of mind." That's me.
Would like to talk about it?
Much love - Mom, Mum, Mother
Amazing letter. Honest, open, looking forward to making progress. Alas, it was not received that way by Mike & especially Kerry, who was greatly affronted to not be included with those with whom Mom felt safe. As she said to Mom in an e-mail -
"I never thought anywhere in my whole life that I'd made anyone feel unsafe. I know that I've made people mad at me, sad, miserable, really angry, upset & hostile, but no one has ever said before that I have made them feel UNSAFE. You probably know, Kay, that hospitality is one of my core values that I have cherished since childhood. To have you, Kay, my mother-in-law, tell me I have made you feel unsafe in my company was a mind-crippling blow. A complete & utter blow. I realize how unintentionally any one of us can cause hurt to others, but for you to throw at me that I make you feel unsafe without anything further to add. That sucked! Your personal growth and development Kay is coming at the expense of others. In my opinion, that sucks, too!"
Again - amazing, but in a different way. Kerry's note opened Mom's eyes to a communications chasm she'd never realized before separated herself & her beloved daughter-in-law. She re-read the note several times, astonished it didn't dawn on Kerry that "mad, sad, miserable, really angry, upset & hostile" define unsafe.
But there was more. Mike wrote a letter lambasting Mom for her note:
Dear Mother -
I don't know what has been going on in your mind, but you have a lot of things very wrong.
I want to say that whoever you are talking to or having counsel with is driving a LARGE wedge between the family & you. As you approach your 89 birthday, we should be getting closer, not farther apart. We should be helping all the members of the family get closer to you & to each other. But it seems that is not happening. Kerry was very upset with your short note saying that you could only trust John & me in what we say, or being safe. I can't think of a statement that could be farther from the truth when it comes to Kerry.. She has only had your goodwill at heart as have I. But she wll also say what she thinks because she has right to. You are losing Kerry very fast & rethink about people's right to voice their feelings should be looked at very carefully. (in much smaller letters, apparently added after the rest of the letter was written, Mike has "You have your feelings, too - I do know this.)
No one can make you do or feel what you do, Mother, only you can. Don't change that "attitude of mind" so much that no family is left to see the results. Love - Mike
Where Kerry's letter made Mom realize how far apart they were in language, Mike's illuminated something I'd said for eons & she'd flat-out rejected. Mike noted how her work on getting a better understanding of her true self was not being well received by "the family." He made that point very clear - she was risking her relationship with THE family. Well, I for one was delighted with the work Mom was doing with Kevyn Malloy & through author/counselors like Nathaniel Branden, John Bradshaw, Marianne Williamson, Stephen Covey, Wayne Dwyer & many more. By clearly NOT including me in his image of his family, Mike's letter helped Mom accept a harsh truth she'd rejected.
Safety has definitely been an issue in my family reaching way back. Just as I had the opportunity 28 years ago to attach a natural consequence to an action, this weekend presented an opportunity to acknowledge our safety issues And I did, stating repeatedly that no one was to blame, it's just the way it is Angelic trumpets sounded!
A mega barrier to writing my book on the 5th Commandment, a book that's a combination of musing & memoir. After this past weekend, what came home to me is that, at its heart, That Your Days May Be Long will be an open honoring of the family that's in my head, heart & archives.
A mega barrier to writing my book on the 5th Commandment, a book that's a combination of musing & memoir. After this past weekend, what came home to me is that, at its heart, That Your Days May Be Long will be an open honoring of the family that's in my head, heart & archives.
To end this LONG posting on an UP note, here is the letter Mom wrote in response to Mike's:
Dear Michael:
Your letter was received. Here are a few of my thoughts.
Don't let the fall out of a few heated moments (referring to a ruckus that happened in early summer 1997) taint your life. Set aside the unintended hurt and the disagreement, and focus on the intentional love. I find comfort that no one intended to be hurtful.
I have a psychologist counselor,a financial counselor, and spiritual counselors. John is an influence, Elsa is an influence, and Peter is an influence, along with "Taking Responsibility: Self-Reliance and the Accountable Life" by Nathaniel Branden, Stephen Covey, John Bradshaw and other authors. I enclose a list of Branden quotations.
The key issue in this quest for self is me, not Elsa, not Kerry.
It is important to ask"Why" rather than lash out if people say or do disturbing things. Asking "Why" acknowledges the possibility of different point of view. It does not mean agreeing with the response.
A reply is not necessarily a response.
Intentional silence is not a neutral response.
Stripped down to basics, life is about loving people for who they are, and not who we want them to be.
Love to all... Love - Mom
ps - My shoulder is punishing me for (hand)writing this, but it is a necessity.
Sunday, September 24, 2017
New frontiers
Who would have guessed that an invasion of my dearest boundaries would end up directing me to new frontiers? Another astonishing turn in an already fantastical month.
Mike & Kerry showing up at Bounty would have shaken me, but to learn that they'd been here since Wednesday, that they went to Bounty hoping to see me there, rather than meeting me there by mutual design? That showed how completely unaware they are of the boundaries they've already trespassed, long before yesterday's transgression.
Yet what a remarkable lesson in family dynamics they handed to me, which matters far more than them acted in simply what's accordance with their usual way. They showed up, hoping to cross paths, where I would have met there, as previously arranged. It is Mim setting up my making an offer to do something, so she can fall back & say, "I never asked." It is Mom agreeing to talk to Mim about issues that affected all three of us, which she refused to discuss with me, yet coming home from a weekend in NJ having never broached it because "Mim never brought it up." It is Peter & Mom going to see Mark Carlson supposedly to talk about their current relationship - rather than how Peter felt about her in the past - only to divert the discussion to me, neither of them having to look at things they'd rather ignore. It is Kerry saying that Lockharts never bring up sensitive things when they are current issues, only to acknowledge that while that was what she said, in the case I was bringing up, she wished I'd stayed silent. Mike telling Mom that no one wants to hear her stories, that she should stop writing her Mindwalker1910 posts & keep them within the family even none of the senior family wanted to hear her. It is me asking Mike & Kerry if they'd arrange a regular day/time to call Mom every month, something she could look forward to, having Kerry brush the suggestions aside saying, "Mum can speak for herself," knowing full well that Mom had NEVER been able to speak for herself.
Where I am direct & need clarity, they are masters of obfuscation, of leaving to chance, of saying one thing & doing the opposite. Mike & Kerry have never seen me, so how could they see my boundaries?
I can't leave things to chance, have to dig down into my nature & actively, attentively brush away the nurture that surrounded me. Mike & Kerry gave that to me. I am not Mom. I can know that I am a bad mix with them, that they have said things that need addressing that they will never acknowledge.
I know that & embrace them in my heart as who they are.
And I keep my distance.
They violated my boundaries because they could not see them, but in doing so pointed me toward new frontiers.
Mike & Kerry showing up at Bounty would have shaken me, but to learn that they'd been here since Wednesday, that they went to Bounty hoping to see me there, rather than meeting me there by mutual design? That showed how completely unaware they are of the boundaries they've already trespassed, long before yesterday's transgression.
Yet what a remarkable lesson in family dynamics they handed to me, which matters far more than them acted in simply what's accordance with their usual way. They showed up, hoping to cross paths, where I would have met there, as previously arranged. It is Mim setting up my making an offer to do something, so she can fall back & say, "I never asked." It is Mom agreeing to talk to Mim about issues that affected all three of us, which she refused to discuss with me, yet coming home from a weekend in NJ having never broached it because "Mim never brought it up." It is Peter & Mom going to see Mark Carlson supposedly to talk about their current relationship - rather than how Peter felt about her in the past - only to divert the discussion to me, neither of them having to look at things they'd rather ignore. It is Kerry saying that Lockharts never bring up sensitive things when they are current issues, only to acknowledge that while that was what she said, in the case I was bringing up, she wished I'd stayed silent. Mike telling Mom that no one wants to hear her stories, that she should stop writing her Mindwalker1910 posts & keep them within the family even none of the senior family wanted to hear her. It is me asking Mike & Kerry if they'd arrange a regular day/time to call Mom every month, something she could look forward to, having Kerry brush the suggestions aside saying, "Mum can speak for herself," knowing full well that Mom had NEVER been able to speak for herself.
Where I am direct & need clarity, they are masters of obfuscation, of leaving to chance, of saying one thing & doing the opposite. Mike & Kerry have never seen me, so how could they see my boundaries?
I can't leave things to chance, have to dig down into my nature & actively, attentively brush away the nurture that surrounded me. Mike & Kerry gave that to me. I am not Mom. I can know that I am a bad mix with them, that they have said things that need addressing that they will never acknowledge.
I know that & embrace them in my heart as who they are.
And I keep my distance.
They violated my boundaries because they could not see them, but in doing so pointed me toward new frontiers.
Friday, September 22, 2017
Purposeful v. Processful
Listening to Toni Townes-Whitley talk about the ethics of innovation triggered a deep personal thought. She mentioned the importance of being purposeful. I am rejiggering The Retreat, which doubles as the Computer Studio, to showcase books that have spoken to me in rich, resonate voices over the decades.
The tip off that I am living a purposeful life is if I use the space productively, taking steps each day toward my identified core goals for next six weeks:
Growing up, for a variety of unconnected yet weirdly meshed reasons, it was process that mattered, not product. That could be the reason I respond so strongly to the word synthesize - it's end is a completed whole.
Emblazon it across my heart - - process only has value when it supports a purpose; purpose only has value when it is fulfilled.
The tip off that I am living a purposeful life is if I use the space productively, taking steps each day toward my identified core goals for next six weeks:
- Create a clear image of Cyber Access for the Technically Timid in both head & heart;
- Build it around a strong infrastructure;
- Understand the stake holders;
- Understand how CATT serves them;
- Structure my daily weekly monthly energy blocks.
Growing up, for a variety of unconnected yet weirdly meshed reasons, it was process that mattered, not product. That could be the reason I respond so strongly to the word synthesize - it's end is a completed whole.
Emblazon it across my heart - - process only has value when it supports a purpose; purpose only has value when it is fulfilled.
Pulling rabbits out of hats
There is no getting around the fact the Universe has given me a task to get DONE & will not take less than my best efforts -and- a well-executed end product. I knew something like this was in the wind sixteen years ago, almost to the day. Didn't know what was in store, but knew it was meant to be.
To get to where I need to be, will have to master pulling rabbits out of hats. I have NO business skills, no way to take Cyber Access for the Technically Timid & turn into a viable, REAL entity. My instinct is to say, "Not in my tool kit." Instead of moving onto someone I'd consider way more suitable, the Universe handed me a hat & said, "Start pulling."
My background has been compiling together things - books, magazines, business cards, contacts, ideas & inspiration - then letting them gather dust. DO something with them? Well, duh - why else would I have gathered them in the first place? For this moment. Start pulling.
Very early this a.m., got to thinking about last night's post on feeling Moses-ish & deciding to root my identity in Joshua, to whom it was given to see AND enter the Promised Land. Thought about how my past selves had not supported making use of the materials I had at hand.
With a whoosh, they were in my face - "Are you kidding? Are you KIDDING? We were chomping at the bit to get a move on. Do you have ANY idea the frustration of seeing work that needs to be done & having the Universe say, like Dan Ackroyd in Trading Places, 'Not yet.' It took until late summer 2017, but it finally said, 'Now.' "
Time to find a hat, limber up my hand & start pulling out those rabbits, because the Universe is not going to be satisfied until it's satisfied.
To get to where I need to be, will have to master pulling rabbits out of hats. I have NO business skills, no way to take Cyber Access for the Technically Timid & turn into a viable, REAL entity. My instinct is to say, "Not in my tool kit." Instead of moving onto someone I'd consider way more suitable, the Universe handed me a hat & said, "Start pulling."
My background has been compiling together things - books, magazines, business cards, contacts, ideas & inspiration - then letting them gather dust. DO something with them? Well, duh - why else would I have gathered them in the first place? For this moment. Start pulling.
Very early this a.m., got to thinking about last night's post on feeling Moses-ish & deciding to root my identity in Joshua, to whom it was given to see AND enter the Promised Land. Thought about how my past selves had not supported making use of the materials I had at hand.
With a whoosh, they were in my face - "Are you kidding? Are you KIDDING? We were chomping at the bit to get a move on. Do you have ANY idea the frustration of seeing work that needs to be done & having the Universe say, like Dan Ackroyd in Trading Places, 'Not yet.' It took until late summer 2017, but it finally said, 'Now.' "
Time to find a hat, limber up my hand & start pulling out those rabbits, because the Universe is not going to be satisfied until it's satisfied.
Thursday, September 21, 2017
shock, amazement & - I admit it - a twinge of fear.
That's how I feel on 09/21/17, thinking about Cyber Access for the Technically Timid (CATT). Heavy on the twinge of fear.
Little did I know that in building out what I did with Mom into something others could use, that I was opening up something that takes my breath away with how its taken on a life of its own. I didn't give much thought to the details implications ramifications of developing an easily replicated template that people with writing & personal connection skills can help oldsters elders ancients access the internet without touching the keyboard.
"Spinning socializing into social networking" was a fun catch-phrase, nothing more. Until I talked to Tom Kamber, who said to reconnect when I have something substantial to share.
Something substantial to share. With those few words, the image I had of CATT was wiped clean & one of ITS creating took over. It didn't push the other aside - it vaporized it.
In case I had any doubts about what happened, tonight I learned about Pete Mangan, the social entrepreneur who started The Freebird Club to provide mature adults with a new way to travel. Pete's business plan is as much about reducing loneliness & isolation as it is about creating income. Through the homestay experience offered by The Freebird Club, with its "peer-to-peer" membership, mature adults can travel solo & still know there will be someone to whom they can recount the day's adventures or join them in outings - no need to be alone, even if you're traveling that way. And homeowners & apartment dwellers can turn their biggest asset into an income stream.
Pete Mangan found a way to put PLAY back in everyone's travel plans. Because that's what having a pint at the "local" WITH a local is. It describes going to the community event that your host knows that's missed by even the savviest tour guide. It's having an evening sip & nibble, talking about this & that. When he talks about combating loneliness & isolation by providing opportunities for connection, he's talking about creating opportunities for play of the very best sort, for both traveler & host.
Tom & Pete showed up in my life over two consecutive Thursdays to deliver the Universe's message that CATT isn't a little thing. That it is beyond consequential. It will be life-shifting for those who use it, whether as seeker or transcribing guide. It has taken on a life of its own & there WILL be consequences if I do not mid-wife it into reality. It DEMANDS it be DONE - and done well.
I've said this before & am saying it again with even greater force & WAY deeper belief - to get done the work that I was put in this life to do means become the truest version of myself, the ME that needs to be excavated dredged REVEALED in order to do the work before me that is not accepting any excuses for being diminished even slightly. Again - there WILL be consequences if I don't go flat out on this.
My challenge, the reason for my twinge of fear, is that I haven't a clue what that looks or feels like. And the Universe frankly doesn't care. It knows what needs to be done, knows the best person to do it, is not going to back down.
I look at Tom Kamber's background & can see how he could pull together something as splendid as OATS & Senior Planet. I look at Pete Mangan's background & can see how he created The Freebird Club. I look at mine & think, "What was the Universe thinking!?"
I feel like Moses asking GOD, "Why did you pick ME? I have no special gifts to make the epic task you lay upon me a success." And the Universe is just as unbending with me as God was with Moses.
But Moses said to the Lord, By my life milord
I am not a talker
Nor have I ever been,
Not even since you spoke to your servant.
Rather I have a ponderous mouth
And ponderous language personally.
But the Lord said to him, Who gave a man a mouth
Or who made him mute or deaf or sighted or blind
If not Myself, the Lord?
And now go and I Myself will be your mouth
And direct you in what you shall say.
Exodus 1
My blessing is knowing that I've always, even in my most fretful, unbelieving hour, believed in my heart Joshua's words:
And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell.
But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”
I've held Joshua's words in my heart & do accept the Universe's call to ME to make so what beckons to be done. And I have no doubt that I will not only see the promised land of an actualized CATT, it will be my joy to enter that land & see the differences my little idea can make when rolled out in a big way.
How? I have no idea.
Do I feel shock, amazement, a heavy twinge of fear? Yes.
Will I? When the Universe - or God - taps you on the shoulder, the only response is YES ~ followed by THANKS.
Little did I know that in building out what I did with Mom into something others could use, that I was opening up something that takes my breath away with how its taken on a life of its own. I didn't give much thought to the details implications ramifications of developing an easily replicated template that people with writing & personal connection skills can help oldsters elders ancients access the internet without touching the keyboard.
"Spinning socializing into social networking" was a fun catch-phrase, nothing more. Until I talked to Tom Kamber, who said to reconnect when I have something substantial to share.
Something substantial to share. With those few words, the image I had of CATT was wiped clean & one of ITS creating took over. It didn't push the other aside - it vaporized it.
In case I had any doubts about what happened, tonight I learned about Pete Mangan, the social entrepreneur who started The Freebird Club to provide mature adults with a new way to travel. Pete's business plan is as much about reducing loneliness & isolation as it is about creating income. Through the homestay experience offered by The Freebird Club, with its "peer-to-peer" membership, mature adults can travel solo & still know there will be someone to whom they can recount the day's adventures or join them in outings - no need to be alone, even if you're traveling that way. And homeowners & apartment dwellers can turn their biggest asset into an income stream.
Pete Mangan found a way to put PLAY back in everyone's travel plans. Because that's what having a pint at the "local" WITH a local is. It describes going to the community event that your host knows that's missed by even the savviest tour guide. It's having an evening sip & nibble, talking about this & that. When he talks about combating loneliness & isolation by providing opportunities for connection, he's talking about creating opportunities for play of the very best sort, for both traveler & host.
Tom & Pete showed up in my life over two consecutive Thursdays to deliver the Universe's message that CATT isn't a little thing. That it is beyond consequential. It will be life-shifting for those who use it, whether as seeker or transcribing guide. It has taken on a life of its own & there WILL be consequences if I do not mid-wife it into reality. It DEMANDS it be DONE - and done well.
I've said this before & am saying it again with even greater force & WAY deeper belief - to get done the work that I was put in this life to do means become the truest version of myself, the ME that needs to be excavated dredged REVEALED in order to do the work before me that is not accepting any excuses for being diminished even slightly. Again - there WILL be consequences if I don't go flat out on this.
My challenge, the reason for my twinge of fear, is that I haven't a clue what that looks or feels like. And the Universe frankly doesn't care. It knows what needs to be done, knows the best person to do it, is not going to back down.
I look at Tom Kamber's background & can see how he could pull together something as splendid as OATS & Senior Planet. I look at Pete Mangan's background & can see how he created The Freebird Club. I look at mine & think, "What was the Universe thinking!?"
I feel like Moses asking GOD, "Why did you pick ME? I have no special gifts to make the epic task you lay upon me a success." And the Universe is just as unbending with me as God was with Moses.
But Moses said to the Lord, By my life milord
I am not a talker
Nor have I ever been,
Not even since you spoke to your servant.
Rather I have a ponderous mouth
And ponderous language personally.
But the Lord said to him, Who gave a man a mouth
Or who made him mute or deaf or sighted or blind
If not Myself, the Lord?
And now go and I Myself will be your mouth
And direct you in what you shall say.
Exodus 1
My blessing is knowing that I've always, even in my most fretful, unbelieving hour, believed in my heart Joshua's words:
And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell.
But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”
I've held Joshua's words in my heart & do accept the Universe's call to ME to make so what beckons to be done. And I have no doubt that I will not only see the promised land of an actualized CATT, it will be my joy to enter that land & see the differences my little idea can make when rolled out in a big way.
How? I have no idea.
Do I feel shock, amazement, a heavy twinge of fear? Yes.
Will I? When the Universe - or God - taps you on the shoulder, the only response is YES ~ followed by THANKS.
DAVID RICHO
QUOTES
“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.”
“We do not create our destiny; we participate in its unfolding. Synchronicity works as a catalyst toward the working out of that destiny.”
“The foundation of adult trust is not "You will never hurt me." It is "I trust myself with whatever you do.”
"When we feel unsafe with someone and still stay with him, we damage our ability to discern trustworthiness in those we will meet in the future.”
“In the hero stories, the call to go on a journey takes the form of a loss, an error, a wound, an unexplainable longing, or a sense of a mission. When any of these happens to us, we are being summoned to make a transition. It will always mean leaving something behind,...The paradox here is that loss is a path to gain.”
" A healthy person is not perfect but perfectible, not a done deal but a work in progress. "
"Our higher needs include making full use of our gifts, finding and fulfilling our calling, being loved and cherished just for ourselves, and being in relationships that honor all of these. Such needs are fulfilled in an atmosphere of the five A’s by which love is shown: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing.”
"The opposite of interpersonal trust is not mistrust. It is despair. This is because we have given up on believing that trustworthiness and fulfillment are possible from others. We have lost our hope in our fellow humans.”
“We were born with four words engraved on our bodies and in our hearts: Love me, hold me.”
"We can actually reconstruct our past by examining what we think, say, feel, expect, believe, and do in an intimate relationship now.”
"At every stage of life, our inner self requires the nurturance of loving people attuned to our feelings and responsive to our needs who can foster our inner resources of personal power, lovability, and serenity. Those who love us understand us and are available to us with an attention, appreciation, acceptance, and affection we can feel. They make room for us to be who we are.”
"The challenge is to find our destiny in exactly what we are refusing to engage in.”
"We don’t fear physical closeness because we fear proximity itself. Most of us earnestly want physical contact with those who love us. Rather we fear what we will feel when we get too close. The real fear, then, is of ourselves. This fear is not something to rebuke ourselves for. It is our deepest vulnerability, the very quality that makes us most lovable.”
“once we understand that what happens beyond our control may be just what we need, we see thatacceptance of reality can be our way of participating in our own evolution.”
“The way we were first loved and the ways we have been loved ever since form our definition of what love means to us.
Some people really feel loved when someone gives them a gift. Others experience it when people stand up for them. Still others feel loved when someone goes the extra mile to help them.
If our mother showed love by holding us in our pain or joy, without engulfing or controlling us, that will be the behavior that always feels like love to us.
We feel love now as we first received it; we give love the way others gave it to us. Thus, since love is unique to each person, we read and write love, receive and give it, in the style designed by our past experience.”
"Bread takes the effort of kneading but also requires sitting quietly while the dough rises with a power all its own.”
There are five unavoidable givens, five immutable facts that come to visit all of us many times over: Everything changes and ends.
Things do not always go according to plan.
Life is not always fair.
Pain is part of life. '
People are not loving and loyal all the time.
These are the core challenges that we all face. But too often we live in denial of these facts. We behave as if somehow these givens aren’t always in effect, or not applicable to all of us. But when we oppose these five basic truths we resist reality, and life then becomes an endless series of disappointments, frustrations, and sorrows.
“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.”
“We do not create our destiny; we participate in its unfolding. Synchronicity works as a catalyst toward the working out of that destiny.”
“The foundation of adult trust is not "You will never hurt me." It is "I trust myself with whatever you do.”
"When we feel unsafe with someone and still stay with him, we damage our ability to discern trustworthiness in those we will meet in the future.”
“In the hero stories, the call to go on a journey takes the form of a loss, an error, a wound, an unexplainable longing, or a sense of a mission. When any of these happens to us, we are being summoned to make a transition. It will always mean leaving something behind,...The paradox here is that loss is a path to gain.”
" A healthy person is not perfect but perfectible, not a done deal but a work in progress. "
"Our higher needs include making full use of our gifts, finding and fulfilling our calling, being loved and cherished just for ourselves, and being in relationships that honor all of these. Such needs are fulfilled in an atmosphere of the five A’s by which love is shown: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing.”
"The opposite of interpersonal trust is not mistrust. It is despair. This is because we have given up on believing that trustworthiness and fulfillment are possible from others. We have lost our hope in our fellow humans.”
“We were born with four words engraved on our bodies and in our hearts: Love me, hold me.”
"We can actually reconstruct our past by examining what we think, say, feel, expect, believe, and do in an intimate relationship now.”
"At every stage of life, our inner self requires the nurturance of loving people attuned to our feelings and responsive to our needs who can foster our inner resources of personal power, lovability, and serenity. Those who love us understand us and are available to us with an attention, appreciation, acceptance, and affection we can feel. They make room for us to be who we are.”
"The challenge is to find our destiny in exactly what we are refusing to engage in.”
"We don’t fear physical closeness because we fear proximity itself. Most of us earnestly want physical contact with those who love us. Rather we fear what we will feel when we get too close. The real fear, then, is of ourselves. This fear is not something to rebuke ourselves for. It is our deepest vulnerability, the very quality that makes us most lovable.”
“once we understand that what happens beyond our control may be just what we need, we see thatacceptance of reality can be our way of participating in our own evolution.”
“The way we were first loved and the ways we have been loved ever since form our definition of what love means to us.
Some people really feel loved when someone gives them a gift. Others experience it when people stand up for them. Still others feel loved when someone goes the extra mile to help them.
If our mother showed love by holding us in our pain or joy, without engulfing or controlling us, that will be the behavior that always feels like love to us.
We feel love now as we first received it; we give love the way others gave it to us. Thus, since love is unique to each person, we read and write love, receive and give it, in the style designed by our past experience.”
"Bread takes the effort of kneading but also requires sitting quietly while the dough rises with a power all its own.”
There are five unavoidable givens, five immutable facts that come to visit all of us many times over: Everything changes and ends.
Things do not always go according to plan.
Life is not always fair.
Pain is part of life. '
People are not loving and loyal all the time.
These are the core challenges that we all face. But too often we live in denial of these facts. We behave as if somehow these givens aren’t always in effect, or not applicable to all of us. But when we oppose these five basic truths we resist reality, and life then becomes an endless series of disappointments, frustrations, and sorrows.
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